Thursday, April 11, 2013

Pull Up Your Pants

I do not claim to be well versed in current fashion trends, but there is one thing I know for sure:  People need to have a little self-respect and pull up their damn pants.  If that makes me sound like an old curmudgeon shouting at kids to get off my lawn, then so be it.  Right is right.  Wrong is wrong.  And wrong is wearing pants that do not cover your ass.

How is this trend even basically functional, much less sexy or cool?  Ladies, this man could not safely mow grass, carry a baby, chase an intruder out of the house, mount a fiery stallion or rush to greet you at the airport.  But, no doubt, he could shuffle up, give you a once over, nod his head and say, "'Sup?"  Wow.  There's a panty dropper.

By the same token, guys shouldn't go to the other extreme and start pulling their jeans up so far that there is an outbreak of moose knuckle.  However, that look would be an effective means of birth control.  (Doubly effective when paired with a never-gonna-get-laid haircut.)

Like many things in life, a happy medium is good.  Don't let your ass hang out and don't crunch your nuts.  How hard is that?  Seems like there is a lot of wiggle room there.

Somebody needs a new diaper.
Men, I'm not singling you out.  Women have fashion faux pas of our own to avoid.

Don't get me wrong, Justin Beiber is a perfectly cute little girl.  But, those I-shit-my-pants trousers do nothing for his prepubescent figure.  And do you know who should wear stud embellished trucker hats?  No one.  Not even kinky truckers.  If your young daughter thinks this look is sexy, I doubt you will have to worry about grandchildren.

A muffin nobody wants.
Some women go to the other extreme with regard to fit and that is no better.  Honey, just because you CAN wear a pair of pants does not mean that you SHOULD.  Here's a valuable little nugget to keep in mind next time you go shopping:

Proper fit hides a lot of shit.

Words to live by.  Amen.


  1. If the boys that wear their pants low only knew where that started!

  2. Straight guys are sooo silly. If they only knew where it started. But at least you know now why I wear mine like that