Wednesday, April 17, 2013

My Guilty Pleasure

I have a confession.  A guilty pleasure, if you will.  I'm not proud of it, but.... I love infomercials!  Not so much the products, but the dramatic over-acting and cheesy dialogue that accompanies them.

For example, a lady is cold but can't figure out how to operate a conventional blanket.  We see her pull it up just to have her feet stick out.  Next, she jerks it down, but damn, now her arms are cold! She finally wads up the blanket and -- with a level of exasperation usually reserved for being unable to save a life via CPR -- throws it on the floor.  What to do?!  What. To. Do.

How about a blanket with sleeves?  Holy shit!  Why didn't I think of that?!  Now the whole family can enjoy all of their favorite activities looking like they escaped from a monastery.  Laughter and high-fives ensue.
It's a par-tay!
Ladies, are traditional diet and exercise too much of a commitment for toned arms?  Well, forget that! Buy a product that works in minutes and comes with the bonus of making you look like an adult film star training for the fellatio Olympics.  Oh, yeah, baby....  Shake it!  Shake it! 

Does your home smell like piss?  *Actor wrinkles his nose, makes a face, and nods emphatically.*  Well, instead of worrying that you might have a much bigger problem, spray this on it!  Don't even know all the alternate sites friends and animals have used for a toilet?  *Actor shakes his head, clearly concerned now.* Order in the next five minutes and we'll include a black light so that you can easily discover what a cesspool of germs your home really is!

Do I smell pee???
Are you still cleaning your ears the old fashioned way?  With dangerous swabs?  *Actor inserts cotton swab in his ear and shrieks in pain.*    (WTF?  Who sticks the damn thing in as far as it will go??? ) Stop! Now there's an easier, safer way to clean your ears!  *Actor looks hopefully toward the camera while rubbing his ear.* The wax vac is the safe, fun way to clean your ears.  Aaaaah....  *Actor smiles wistfully, eyes rolling back orgasmically while he safely sucks wax from his ear canal.*

Gentle suction....  Oh yeah.....
You are missing out on some quality entertainment if you just click past these late night and early morning gems.  This is good stuff, people.

Do you have any favorites?

1 comment:

  1. If your home smells like piss Chances are you are in jail. An old outdated jail at that.