Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Super Power

What if we could choose a super power?  Let's say it's a given that we'd all like to prevent horrible things from happening and heal the sick, so I'm taking those off the table.  The beauty of fantasizing is that we don't have to be altruistic and sensible.  Sometimes it's fun to be selfish and quirky.

My super power wouldn't be flying, spinning webs, or blowing shit up with my mind.  My super power would be much more versatile.  It would mutate to fit a situation.  Let me explain....

Just the other night I was in a Greek restaurant where a very lovely young woman entertained patrons by belly dancing.  Even I have to admit that her bosom was magnificent.  No doubt those babies had a lot to do with the amount of cash that was tucked in her costume. 

Hubs and I both noticed this old dude scoping her out, even walking across the restaurant to take her picture while she danced at another table.  Later, she kindly posed with him for a picture. What does he do?  He pats her on the ass -- twice!  Creeper.  Then, he doesn't even tip her!  The dancer left the room immediately after the picture was taken.

Without hesitation, I would have used my Karma Accelerator Super Power on that dirty old asshat.  KAPOW!  He would have choked on some moussaka then shit his pants.  No one would be the wiser as to how it all happened. 

Pretty super, huh? My Karma Accelerator Super Power would no doubt keep me busy, especially while driving.

In a long line of traffic waiting to get off the exit ramp....  Everyone has gotten over in the right lane and is patiently waiting their turn.  But wait, who's that?  Oh, yeah.  That douchebag who always speeds right past everyone then clogs everything up trying to break in line.  Oh. No. He. Didn't. 

Instead of flipping him off, I glare and fire my Karma Accelerator.  KAPOW!

His fancy ride instantly transports to the side of the road. Every switch turns on, yodeling blares from the radio and all of the driver's clothes disappear.  Each time he tries to turn anything off or use his cell phone he receives an electrical shock to his nuts.

What about people who are chronically rude?  It's like they get their rocks off ruining other people's day.  A lot of these folks are especially prone to "shoot the messenger."  For example, when the pharmacy clerk must tell a customer that a prescription is not covered by their insurance.  I've seen women and men totally unload on a person who was very politely giving them information that they had absolutely no control over.

I'd zap that mellow harshing fucktard with my Karma Accelerator.  KAPOW!  Suddenly, McRudy would only be able to talk like a baby in a tiny little voice and every third sentence would be, "I love you."

"Me not know what you talkie 'bout. You makie me mad. I wuv oo."  That would take the starch out of his or her drawers and lighten the mood for everyone else.

Now THAT would be SUPER!


  1. I love it! I'm glad someone else notices these things!

  2. I love these but i'd still just like to be Wonder Woman