Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Subject Lines

I will be the first to brag on Hubs for being great at pretty much everything.  (Are you sensing a BUT coming up?) BUT, he is not so great when it comes to answering my emails.

The problem isn't that I inundate him with correspondence.  Quite the opposite.

Hubs works very hard to fund my pleasure (Shout out to my Hubs, Woot!  Woot!), regularly getting over 400 work emails a day, so I limit my correspondence to only the very necessary.  No cutesy junk or forwarded bullshit.  Strictly an exchange to give or request information in lieu of a phone call.  For example, "Dinner at Mom's" or "Need your SSN." 

However, when I have conveyed or requested more than one tidbit of information in a single email, I noticed that Hubs would only respond to one.  Over time (because I'm nowhere near as loaded up on smarts as Hubs) I figured out what was happening.  He was only reading the subject line of my emails! 

When confronted, Hubs confessed, "Usually whatever you put on the subject line tells me what I need to know." 

How do you know if you don't read the whole thing?!

Desperate times. Desperate measures.  I knew what I had to do....  NEVER put the actual subject on the subject line.  Here are some examples of subject lines I've used to successfully correspond with Hubs now that I know the deal:

  • Chewbacca Dandruff
  • Jalapeno Cleanse
  • Holy Guacamole
  • Maternal Psychosis
  • Chartreuse Pompadour
  • Evidentiary Propagation
  • Histrionic Patella
  • Sonuva Squid Shooter
  • Moronic Embolism
  • Elusive Weedwhacker
  • Carburetor Antithesis
  • Stranger Danger
  • Molting Podiatry
  • Homogenous Aristocrat
  • Contrary Lobotomy
  • Cranial Nomenclature
  • Pancreatic Potitus
  • Matrimonial Pony
  • Angular Constipation
  • Blazing Tricycles
  • Testicular Modification
  • Amphibious Progeny
  • Tangled Testicles*
  • Gestational Syphilis
  • Ostentatious Hobo

*Note:  If you decide to use this technique, stay away from words like shit, damn, asshat, asshole, bullshit, porn, testicles, boobs, hooters, tits, penis, cock, fuck, motherfucker, etc. because those tend to end up in the SPAM folder.

    No comments:

    Post a Comment