10 Things I've Learned from True Crime Shows

I love true crime shows!  The Hubs swears my viewing choices cause him to sleep a little lighter at night, but I can't resist.  Nightmare Next Door...Deadly Women...Notorious...Investigation ID...Evil Twins...Dateline....  I watch 'em all.  I recently heard a commercial for a show that teased, "The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest."  Oooooh!  Sounds like someone has a story to tell!

Through years of viewing, I've learned a few things:

1.   An unusual odor is never a good thing.

2.  If a spouse is cheating, there's a good chance he or she had something to do with the murder.

3.  Don't hire out. DIY and keep your mouth shut. (Kids, whores or hitmen will rat you out.)

4.  Never buy a new area rug or get new flooring right after your loved one mysteriously disappears.

5.  Don't jog.  Joggers are usually the ones who either find the body or go missing.

6.  Serial killers make good neighbors. After learning their neighbor is a killer, you never hear people say that that he had wild parties or let his dog shit in their yard.  They are quiet, tidy and keep to themselves.

7.  If you cry, make tears.  Don't half ass it by sniffing and swiping dry cheeks.

8.  Getting caught on in-store cameras buying a hatchet, rubber gloves, duct tape, bleach, garbage bags and a wood chipper ALWAYS looks bad.  Throw in some gum, tampons and maybe a Diet Coke for balance.

9.  Follow the money.  Whoever stands to profit the most from murder is often the killer.

10.  The widowed should not have a date at the funeral. Aside from being suspicious, it's just plain tacky.